What an awesome year it has been,
Here I am, poof, at the end of 2024, and what a year to reflect back on. (<-I have the blog to help me luckily.) I left the life of a comfortable earnings, weekly employment ritual and the city behind for adventure, the unknown and burning through my savings. Sure, most people thought (and might still think) that I was going crazy, but I believed that I needed to do it. I never planned to just waste the year away even though I set out with only one resolution for 2024: “without having any real plan, purpose or pressure”. In the back of my mind I did have… shall I call them goals to hopefully achieve for the year.
Things like: I wanted to disrupt my whole life in order to get away from habits, schedules, rhythms and rituals. I wanted to explore New Zealand, travel slowly and see things off the beaten track. I wanted to meet new people, experience New Zealand and the kind people living here, in the country I now call home. Disconnect and be alone, have time to myself, reflect and just allow the hamster some time to catch up on “paperwork”. Clear my head and be done with Trauma (<-Yes, this word deserves a capital T or even perhaps a capital F in front of that). I wanted to challenge myself, physically, see if I still had “it” in me. I wanted to invest a lot of effort into meditation, develop my skills and go to a week long retreat to be surrounded by likeminded people. I wanted to travel the world. I wanted to paraglide in the French Alps again, having so many fond memories there. I wanted to visit South Africa, stay in Cape Town to see and greet friends and spend time with (both) my families. I wanted to meet old friends, from my school days and catchup. I wanted to pull the last of my roots in South Africa, moving a couple of thing back home to NZ. I wanted my dad to (handover) the car, after spending time fixing it and more importantly spending time with him. Container the car to NZ, get it on the road and park it in my garage in Christchurch. I wanted to paraglide in South Africa again and as a bonus it turned out… with a great friend. I wanted to host my bother in law and his partner in New Zealand and visit an old friend in the mountains with them. And most importantly… I wanted to be done with living in (what felt like) survival. Discover who I am, feel like I am free and ready to write the first chapter of the rest of my life.
Wow… looking back, what an impressive list, and to be honest, all of them are just about crossed off. Outstanding is the car: which has landed and is unpacked at the shipping company in Christchurch. It is waiting on inspection and will go through compliance next week. (Watch this blog…) Apart from that, everything else is done except for one question mark about 2024. During the meditation retreat in Denver I met someone referred to as “Skylar” (in my blog) and I felt this genuine connection towards her. Both of us were knee deep in the river of change and at the time things seemed impossible and extremely complicated. We had a couple of conversations later in the year but it didn’t feel like our stars were aligning at the time. Reading through some old blog posts recently I couldn’t help but to wonder… Question mark? I wrote the following on a blog post on the 26th of July, the final day of the retreat… (The full post here: Oh no, Final day.).
I made some notes here to remind me, and hold me accountable for the future…
1. Remember the effort I made to get here, mentally and physically. So don’t just give it up, continue creating the future I want and spend time and effort to find a new job that fits into it. Not the other way around and no excuses.
2. This week (and to an extent this year) is not the end, but the beginning of something new. Time to take responsibility and own my life.
3. Catch those unconscious thoughts, tame the animal that is my body, forget the old “programs” and take charge of me. No longer “living in survival” or “being a victim” or “creating from lack”.
4. Lead in love, be the change I want to see. Remove all the obstacles between me and love.
5. Great opportunities are disguised as impossible problems, when it turns out to be the hardest – it matters the most.
2. This week (and to an extent this year) is not the end, but the beginning of something new. Time to take responsibility and own my life.
3. Catch those unconscious thoughts, tame the animal that is my body, forget the old “programs” and take charge of me. No longer “living in survival” or “being a victim” or “creating from lack”.
4. Lead in love, be the change I want to see. Remove all the obstacles between me and love.
5. Great opportunities are disguised as impossible problems, when it turns out to be the hardest – it matters the most.
So with this in mind, I had a call with Skylar today. One where we could talk, catchup and discuss a possible future. I want to clear that question mark.
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43.5323 – 172.5567
31 December 2024
FP-355
6 responses to “Can’t help but to look back on 2024.”
I’m teary eyed on many levels ..
can’t really utter any other words …
Ahh, that was not my intension. It was a day of reflection and worth doing. All if it.
I got that..
That you reflected..and reflected with You
Maybe I used the “wrong” words…
I just got quite emotional about certain things..
Have been walking this Journey with Yous.. “-)
Ai Urvi. No tears please.
You are a complex person, due in part to what life has thrown at you, and I guess the path ahead will be equally as complex, but you seem to be taking steps in the right direction to a new future already. I’m excited for you.
Wow, thanks Cliff. Such a nice compliment.
I am excited for me too.