It is an “emotionally” interesting day today for so many reasons,
To start off with, this mediation retreat was one of the BIG items I wanted to do this year. The rough plan was to give the Hamster time to close “things” off in my mind during the beginning of this year (while walking the Te Araroa trail) in preparation for this trip. Then complete the meditation retreat where I can gain more knowledge, construct a new future for Phil and improve my meditation skills. Followed by, after the retreat, spending time in a new environment, seeing old and new friends, catching up with loved ones and trying not to fall back into old habits.
Why all the emotions you might ask? Hmmm, well, time has come and it is finally here… Similarly to that night in February before I started the Te Araroa trail, I battle with conflict whether this is the right thing to do or not. Perhaps you know from personal experience as well, but it is not easy, especially for me, to break away from the emotions of the past, create a different (new) me and then step into that future, following those new dreams, turning them into reality. Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to forget the past… it all brought me to this point in time, but the real challenge is removing the emotions from those past memories and turning them into wisdom to be used in the future. After all the events of early 2020, I am plagued by this feeling of being lost, without a purpose or passion in life, staring at an ever revolving compass in life. This year and partially this retreat is an attempt to address just that. I didn’t say “fix”, because I am not broken, but I believe I can be better at being me. Like I said on my About Page, this year should have no “pressure” and if I end this whole experience not knowing or changing a thing about me… it will still be okay too.
I spend the day sleeping late and getting some rest. I think I am over most of my jetlag and got this cough almost under control. Completed the registration process as well, getting all the arm bands, merchandise and picking my “team” colour. Red – with the accompanying words “Believe, Behave, Become” seems to fit. I went for a swim too and spent more time soaking up the sun and grabbing lunch… This will be my last entry to my blog for a while unfortunately. Our first retreat session starts tonight and after that I will “drop off the radar” until the retreat has finished. No blog, no instant messaging or calls, no internet or email, tv or news… just me, the Hamster and unfortunately the rest of my zoo. Do worry about me… I will be okay and am in the good hands of the universe. I have setup some automatic daily blog posts during this time, but I will not be checking in or reading comments.
Will you get to meet a new Phil on the evening of the 26th of July? I sure hope so, but only time will tell. (No pressure :-))
__________
-39.8175 – -104.7509
20 July 2024
FP-191