Meditation Retreat – Day 5,
Yes, I am stepping away from everything while I am at the retreat, but not from FloatingPhil. This is MY diary and I never wanted to create/record more than right now. I updated some of the previous posts yesterday, because I just had this overwhelming urge to remember this (most likely one in a lifetime) experience. You are welcome to go back and have a read, or not. No more apologies because like I said in the About Page, “These pages are unapologetically me…”.
In the last couple of years, while doing the online meditation courses and meditations, I was often tasked to think of a word, or idea… something I want to change or work on during my meditation. These assignments were always difficult because I do not have “the terminal prognosis” or “the incurable autoimmune disease” or “the heavily medicated depression” or, or, or. I always counted myself as the lucky one with just a little trauma from years ago and the sense of being lost in life. I worked on the “why” I meditate for so long and to be honest, there were a couple of feelings and ideas that came up. Things like “being safe”, “not being in lack”, “judgment” and more recently some of the H-words like “Healing (my mind)”, “Healthy” (mentally, spiritually and physically) and “Happy” (with my life, on my own).
The keyword in the previous paragraph is “were“… During the retreat the idea of a sponsoring thought was introduced to me. I immediately resonated with the idea, because it is so close to root-cause-analysis, a term I use/need frequently in engineering. The idea is to dig a little deeper and find the true seed of the feelings I am having, where everything start from, and during last night it clicked. Forgiveness. I instantly knew that this was finally the answer, to release, resolve and close my past. Forgiving myself and allowing me to move forward. No more what if, should have, could have, but or why.
We started the morning with a walking meditation and I could feel that this word had some powerful emotions behind it… It was not the purpose of the meditation, so I couldn’t “test” it out completely, because I had other things to achieve. During the second meditation I embraced this idea, emotion / feeling and I can tell you with certainty… this is why I am here. I had a profound, unexplained and mystical experience that I could not stop. I had to simply get out of the way and embrace the absolute power surrounding this word. Our third meditation of the day was a coherence healing session and to be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was going to attend. Most of us are designated “healers” surrounding and meditating with a person in need of being healed from some kind of condition. We don’t know the person or their condition… just that they need some of our love. I didn’t think I was good enough and was worried that I might deduct from the energy in the group. Skylar however provided a little leadership and was so excited and passionate about this part of the retreat, that I decided I will take it as far as I feel comfortable. I keyed that right emotions into the Hamster’s wheel and with a little “creativity” I suddenly caught on quickly, thoroughly experiencing the connection to the group and the person in front of me. I simply need to open my heart. Wow, I am almost too excided to go to bed, but have to make an attempt… our first meditation tomorrow morning starts at 4am and the retreat is nearing the end.
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-39.8175 – -104.7509
24 July 2024
FP-195
4 responses to “Forgiveness!”
Uhm..
Ek het half emotional geraak toe ek die lees 😊
Dis “beautiful” (if that is the right word) wat jy deur maak..
Thanks Urvi. “Beautiful” is fine… very emotional indeed.
Look on the bright side. At least 4am is mid morning in New Zealand, but sooo pleased to read that you have progressed so much since the first day of the retreat.
LOL, it was a very very looong day.